If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize