I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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