we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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