What did we do last night that was yellow?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
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Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
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Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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