I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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