I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
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omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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