Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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