I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
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Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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