so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize