if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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