he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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