very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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