I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize