I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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