2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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