2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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