i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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