I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize