just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize