have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize