saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
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I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just puked most of my soul out..
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