I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize