$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
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