Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize