cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize