Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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