i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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