why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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