Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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