You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize