I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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