I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize