3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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