if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's never too late to be topless.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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