So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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