i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize