I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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