My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
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i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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