I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
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YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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