Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize