Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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