he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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