I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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