Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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