dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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