Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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