either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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