You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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