I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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