I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
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I intend to get homeless drunk
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
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someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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